did you motor-boat her?

bassplayinfool6 @ 2006-09-25T21:11:00

2006-09-26T04:13:12Z

it was my birthday yesterday

it had its rough parts

but it was ok for the most part

i guess

i bought a bong today

its really nice

i like it a lot

hahaha, fuck that shit, its fuckin sick

its gonna hella rip too

i found out there is a god damn primus show for 35 dollars a ticket

how fuckin cool is that?

hella

bassplayinfool6 @ 2006-08-07T02:11:00

2006-08-07T09:23:49Z

lets see

where the fuck do i begin?

school has been over for a long while now. slowly i realize that i am drifting far away from some of those i swore i would never drift away from. maggie for one, allie for another. its a real bummer. i went to canada and realized it may very well be the last time i see many of those i went with. i will always see matt and josh, sometimes justin and owen, but rarely again will i see paul or raza. and hawaii was the same way. i will see owen and jackie again, but not so much for mark, harry, chance, maggie, brad, allie, jackie, jeremy, manuel, or melinda. it truely makes me sad. but, they all have their lives to look forward too. new experiences in college and all that jazz. they will have fun. and there are always high school reunions.

lets see, oh yes, something else has been on my mind as of late. im afraid i may not be cut out to be a musician. i am beginning to realize im not as good as i thought i was. i went to an "audition", using the term lightly, and i fuckin blew it. the lady i was jammin with gave me a set of chord changes to read from and i couldnt handle it. i forgot such a simple blues progression too. like incredibly simple, and i fuckin blew it. i walked away thinking i may have chosen something i couldnt handle. that freaks me out like no other. ugh

hmmmm, anything else? ah yes, i dont have much of a social life, which bothered me at first, but then i realized, what the fuck am i thinking, of course i have a social life. i see my friends, all be it not as often as id like, but i do see them. sometimes i can be a drama queen. haha

joey is goin down hill fast. i saw him for the first time in a few weeks and he was fuckin spun out. from all hte E he has been doing. it was fuckin hella bad news. and he didnt care. he said he might have done almost straight heroin, and he didnt even mind. he tried to tell me he was fine. i almost blame myself, because, even though we did a lot of drugs together, we always did it in moderation. and he was telling me about how hes getting fronted 2 and 1/2 pounds of coke and 1 pound of pills. and hes gonna deal it out. hes gonna get himself killed. i tried talking sense into him, but he wouldnt listen. im fuckin worried as shit. i love the kid, hes like a brother to me, and now hes gonna get fucked up and possibly killed by somebody. i hope it doesnt happen. i love the guy. but whatever i guess. if you know joey, which im sure everyone that reads this does, talk some fucking sense into that kid.

last, but not least, i think i may be depressed and not yet know it. i was talking to my doctor about the fact that i am constantly tired, and he did a blood test and found nothing wrong. he mentioned that i may be depressed, and it occured to me, i might actually be depressed or something. there is a lot of shit i havent dealt with about my mom, my life now, and all kinds of shit from my past. it might now be coming back to haunt my ass. i sure as hell hope not. i need someone to talk to. i need some love peoples. i know this is a lot of sit to write in one LJ entry, but hey, its been a while. sorry if i sound EMO guys. i assure you, i am not.

bassplayinfool6 @ 2006-05-14T13:11:00

2006-05-14T20:14:37Z

yesterday was prom

hella bomb, everybody there looked pretty damn good, especially my girlfriend skippy. she looked hella beautiful. everybody i saw looked like they were having a great time! later in the night I WON PROM KING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was hella excited. when i got there not many people were there, so everybody i saw that i knew, i told to vote for me for prom king. it was hella fly. i didnt think i would actually win going up against the jocks and shit. all good. i hope everybody else had fun.

later

bassplayinfool6 @ 2006-03-23T23:24:00

2006-03-24T07:33:57Z

its been far too long.

a lots been goin on. guys and dolls rehersals every morning. kinda sucks. opening night is tomorrow. i doubt i will be ready. i have a CMEA festival on saturday, i dont want to go. im gonna talk to bobby tomorrow. and just explain to him that i really dont want to do it and i will take a lower grade if i have to. whatever. i doubt he will give me anything lower than an A. hes cool. yesterday i took 4 vicodin and i was trippin balls for the night. when i woke up this morning, i was so exhausted. i finally took an aderol in 6th so that woke me up. im gettin tired now. im gonna go to bed soon. today i found out that there is gonna be a kickin party on saturday, or so im told. im gonna take the night off from guys and dolls. get paul to do it for me. i hope its worth it. today i met some coll people at crawford park. nice people there. and it makes me a popular guy. hahahaha. oh how concedid. i dont know how to spell it. prom is cominup in like a month or so. i dont know who i want to take. i think maybe caitlyn. but i dont know. i dont want to make myself think it can go somewhere further. its really hard trying to get over her. i love her, i want to be with her, but, i cant. maybe some day. god willing. i dont know. i might ask hope. shes pretty cool and i think she might go with me, but i dont know, she kinda strikes me as the kind of person who doesnt go to prom. who knows. its still a month away. a lot can happen in that time. we shall just have to see. tomorrow i might go to guitar center. there is a big sale going on, and i want to try and get some extra strings. hopefully, i dont know tho. i think me, mark, neil, ben, and joey are goin. we want to go into the soundproof room and jam for a while. but i might not be able to go, it all depends on what time i can get to guys and dolls. hopefully i can go. ummmm, im tired as hell. goodnight bitches.

"make love, not war" - a t-shirt i got from the thrift store.

bassplayinfool6 @ 2006-02-05T22:02:00

2006-02-06T06:19:08Z

yo

today was ok i guess. went to paul's for a few hours and watched the first half of the super bowl. after that went to owen's and watched the last half. Steelers won. and i won 15 bucks with them. 5 from raza and 10 from brad. good stuff. GO STEELERS. after that i went and picked up a gram bag and came home. last night i saw the mingus big band at the mondavi center. it was bad ass. the pre-performance lecture was bitchin too. it was given by steve roach, the director of jazz studies at CSUS. hes a nice guy, ive only met him once, but he is a nice guy. yesterday i also had chipotle for dinner. it was quite good. i really like chipotle. i had a burrito with carnitas in it. the carnitas were amazing. i was quite impressed. lets see, i plan on going for the full week next week. i hope i can pull it off. i need to re-schedule my physical for tomorrow if they can fit me in, hopefully tuesday. i really do want to start track practice. i need to work hard to keep my grades up and stuff. i havent been trying too hard lately. i think its because my moms birthday is coming up this friday, and i dont want to deal with that. not even a little bit. i dont want to go to school, but i think i will. ugh, im hating life right now. sucks balls. i want to go somewhere for a little while. somewhere away from all of these bad memories that i have in woodland and sacramento. but i dont know where i can go. fuck. oh well i guess... que serra serra.... whatever the hell that means. lets see, what else? i started talkin to caitlyn again, pretty much like nothing happened. whatever i guess. she fucks with my head a lot, and i dont like it, but, as she has pointed out to me many times, i am unable to resist her. i just cant. no matter what, i will always love her. whatever i guess.

"Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be." - Anton Checkhov

bassplayinfool6 @ 2006-02-01T20:41:00

2006-02-02T04:42:24Z

i got 5 bucks on the Steelers this weekend. Any takers?

bassplayinfool6 @ 2006-02-01T17:35:00

2006-02-02T01:46:37Z

hey

today was ever so dull and uneventful. i went to school today, drag. im gonna go tomorrow and friday too. what a good kid i am. tonight im hopin to go grab some marble slab with amy, but i doubt it. today was the first official track practice. i didnt go because i havent gotten my sports physical yet, hopefully tomorrow, but i doubt it, so im thinkin friday at the latest. tomorrow morning i have to reherse for guys and dolls. sucks the cock. this weekend is superbowl XL, which is 40 in roman numerals, in case you didnt know. im hopin the steelers win. thats all i guess. oh yeah, new revelations, i feel depressed right now. its a combination of things really. somewhat my mom, also a lack of really close friends, for that matter a lack of friends in general. i mean i do have a few, but probably like 4 or 5 that i will actually stay in contact with after school ends. mostly though, its the fact she hasnt spoken to me for a while and that she lied to me about hanging out with me, which suggests that she doesnt liek to hang out with me. i think she mostly texted or called me to get coke from me. that hurts a lot too. god i hope i get over it soon, its killin me. i really had some strong feelings for that girl. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! i guess im done...

"Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command." - Alan Watt's

bassplayinfool6 @ 2006-01-31T22:30:00

2006-02-01T06:40:32Z

hey,

i just want to start off bay saying fuck girls! fuck em all, they are all stupid ass bitches. especially girls that are fuckin two-faced. girls that say "you're my best friend, and nothin will ever change that". fuck that shit. bitches. i'll admit that there are a few girls that are cool, you know who you are. but most girls are straight up bitches. ok im done. yesterday i had to go to sac for the day to take care of some business with my dad, and today my back, neck, and stomach were fucked up, so i didnt go to school. after school robin was supposed to come over but she called me and sayed she was too tired to come over, no big deal, i will see her later this week. tomorrow im goin back to school. i dont want to, but i will, it wont be so bad. i just hope my back feels better in the morning, if it doesnt im gonna be in a bad mood all day, and i want to be. when im in a bad mood i always seem to piss somebody off, and i dont want to do that. this weekend is the super bowl, and i got 10 bucks on the steelers, i dont necessarily like the steelers, but i do hate the seahawks. next weekend im hopin to head up to humbolt and check out the college, and maybe visit some friends. well, off to bed.

"There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer, no disease that enough love will not heal, no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem. It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world." - Emmet Fox

bassplayinfool6 @ 2006-01-23T17:41:00

2006-01-24T01:54:54Z

yo...

i finally got my internet set up. about fucking time if i do say so myself. lets see, whats new? i passed all of my core classes, barely on some of em, but passed no less. im on track to graduation, and im thrilled about it. lets see, i finally told caitlyn how i feel about her. it took forever for me to get the balls to say it. i was really nervous to tell her, i was afraid things would be weird, but she said it wasnt weird. im her best friend, and nothing will change that, or so she told me. i think shes my best friend too. i love that girl. lets see, i started trying new things, new illegal things, and i enjoy it. its a lot more fun than i thought it would be. today im gonna try to get some more. over this 3 day weekend i had 3 jazz gigs in a row. they were pretty cool, but it ruined my fun time this weekend. i did get a lot of free food, which was sweet. i do love playing jazz, but i dont really like playing for free. its not that great. pretty soon i have to do the musical "guys and dolls", which will blow ass, because there is no gain for me. im kinda selfish in case you didnt notice. oh well, fuck it. i enjoy playing and thats what matters. what else is new, you ask? well ive just been doin the same old shit, hangin with the homies, chillin, been tryin to get drunk the past few weekends with little to no success, but whatever. oh well. thats all i have to say i guess.

peace out

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-09-23T10:36:00

2005-09-23T17:43:37Z

hey guys

its been a while... im not gonna update right now, because im in 3rd period at school, and if i get caught i am totally fucked. i will try to update soon.

THE ULTIMATE DRINKING SURVEY

Thousands have taken it, so let's see if you can handle it, you drunken bastard! If you answer 'no' to number one, then there is no need to keep going. But if you answer 'yes', then let the answers roll!!!!!

1. Have you ever been drunk?
fuck yes

2. How old were you the first time you got drunk?
15

3. Have you ever gotten/given digits while intoxicated?
maybe, if i did i cant remember

4. Have you ever drunk dialed'?
yeah

5. Have you ever been drunk in front of family members?
first time i got drunk was with my mom

6. Have you ever had to cover up the fact that you were drunk?
fuck yeah

7. Have you ever been arrested for any alcohol related crime?
not yet, but im sure it will happen soon

8. Have you ever hooked-up with someone while drunk?
yeah

9. Ever forgot their name?
nope

10. When was the last time you were drunk?
my party

11. Have you ever been on a drunken binge?
yeah probably

12. Do you need alcohol to have a good time?
not always, but it does make things funner

13. What kind of alcohol gets you the most intoxicated?
rum

14. Favorite alcohol:
vodka

15. Favorite beer:
MGD

16. Have you ever woken up after a night of drinking and found out that you were still drunk?
all the time

17. Have you ever swam drunk?
not yet

18. What kind of a drunk are you?
depends on the day i have, but usually a loving drunk

19. Is alcohol like "truth serum" to you?
fuck yeah

20. Favorite drinking partner(s):
matt, josh, owen

21. Favorite bar:
Cheers

22. Have you ever completely blacked out?
James' house

23. Have you ever puked from drinking?
nope

24. Have you ever had the 'crying drunks'?
nope

25. Can you still do physical activity while intoxicated?
hell yeah! im a beast

26. Have you ever gotten into a drunken fight?
not that i can remember

27. Who is the most annoying drunk that you know?
nelson

28. Whose the most flirtacious drunk you know?
nelson

29. Do you have a drunken nickname?
i hope not

30. Have you recieved a booty call?
nope

31. Funniest drunken scene in a movie:
all of animal house

32. Favorite song(s) about drinking:
irish drinking songs

34. Have you ever been hit on by someone way older than you?
not that i can recall

35. What's the worst 'buzz kill'?
being caught by somebody's parents

36. Have you ever dated a bartender or bouncer or cocktail waitress?
all the time

37. Do you ever say to yourself, "Dang, I need a drink"?
once or twice

38. Do strangers ever buy you drinks?
sometimes

39. Have you ever drank too much on a date?
nope

40. Is there anything that you refuse to drink?
nope

41. Have you ever been drunk on a plane?
not yet

42. Have you ever gotten drunk during the day?
yeah

43. Have you ever had to run from the cops and leave the beer behind?
nope

44. What's your favorite drinking game?
kings

45. Have you ever injured yourself while drunk?
no

46. What's the most destructive thing that you have done while you were drunk?
punched holes in walls

47. Ever been drunk at a concert?
nope

48. Is this survey getting too long?
not really

49. Are you ready for the last question?
fuckin a!

50. Why do you drink?
its fun as hell!

see y'all later

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-08-10T20:06:00

2005-08-11T03:18:04Z

today i came to a sad realization..... i dont have many friends anymore. and its all my fault. im such a bastard to them. and i dont mean to be. im usually fuckin around, but i guess i say things in a mean way. and it really bothers them. i realized this today when owen called me. he hasnt called or even talked to me since sunday i think. and when i got off the phone with him, i realized he only called me cuz no one else could do anything. when i realized this i was depressed with myself. im such a fuckin dick. last night i called caitlyn, and she said she couldnt talk right then and that she would call me back. but she never did. even she doesnt want to talk to me. im so upset with myself. and when i realized that matt, owen, jackie, justin, robin, all those guys and girls dont consider me friends anymore, i realized that i no longer have plans for after highschool. what i was gonna try and do was go to santa cruz with matt owen josh, jackie and whoever else is going. i was gonna go to a jc down there and then transfer to UC Santa Cruz to get my music degree. but now.... i dont know. im so scared about whats gonna happen. i dont know what to do about anything. in 2 weeks i have to move out. i have to kick my dad out because he may be doing meth. i dont know where im gonna live. i dont know what to do about anything. im scared to start school because i dont know if i'll be able to graduate. i have never been this scared iun my life about anything.......

i wish she hadn't died......

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-08-05T21:02:00

2005-08-06T04:17:41Z

howdy

i just got back from a day on the American River with Harry, Matt, Chance, Emily, and her friends. it was a lot of fun. i got burnt pretty bad, but its ok. all we did was float down the river and fuck around. it was great. after we were done we went to in and out burger. i got a 5x5. finished the whole thing. it was delicious. thats all i ate all day. it was so damn good. my asthma was horrible, and i forgot my inhaler. it wasd a bad scene. i was taking such shallow breaths. god it was horrible. but im ok now. tonight im supposed to go to paul's house. i really wanted to see caitlyn, but shes in trouble. sucks. last night i talked to kelley, which was cool, i haven't really talked to her in a while. good lord im tired and a lot of random things keep poppeing up in my head. its weird. like a few minutes ago i was giggling about somethin so stupid. i dont even remember what it was i was giggling at. i need to take a quick power nap or somethin. good lord. talk to you guys later.

-Tony

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-07-28T23:48:00

2005-07-29T06:59:30Z

woo hoo..... update time!

today i had a good day. i had to go to sac in the morning, so i couldnt go to work. sorry jay. then later i went to watermelon with daniel. it was cool. i wanted to buy strings, but i decided against it. too expensive. so today we went to sonic. it was quite good. after that i went home and decided to chill and not go out for a while. then owen, jackie, nelson, and kim!!! came by. well we hung out at my house till about 6 then went to pioneer. the play was ok, i didnt like too much of the dancing. but whatever, the music was cool. aftwerwards we came back here and went to the hostess store. after that, we went to wendy's to get food. shortly after we got back, they decided to leave. the reason it was a good day was cuz i got to spend a bunch of it with kim. she is so awesomly cool. im glad i got to see her. other than that im gonna be here all night. im me if you want to. peace out.

-Tony

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-07-27T00:35:00

2005-07-27T07:40:45Z

here we go again...

today i had a rough day. i didnt get to do anything most of the day, so i stayed at home, and all i could think about is my mom. i miss her so much. she is the only person who could help me through this rough time. but she cant. i need her so much. i wish there was someone else i could turn to, but there isnt. all i have is this lj to express myself. i need to go see some councelor or somethin. i need someone to talk to. like i try to talk to my friends about by making subtle comments but all they ever do is avoid it. since i cant turn to them, who does that leave? no one. yesterday my dad and i got into a huge fight. hes so bad right now. he drank half a jug of vodka that i bought. he drank a shit load and then started screamin at me and shit. i hate everything. i dont know what im gonna do. i need to leave this place as soon as i can. i have nothin but bad memories here. i hate this. i need to get out of here. fuck. im ramblin now. im gonna stop....

-Tony

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-07-25T00:32:00

2005-07-25T07:41:59Z

its been quite a while....

yesterday people were here gettin drunk. it was fun. i got to see kim!!!!!!! i was very happy about that! when we were drinkin matt got a call and said he had to be home right now. it was real bad. he was so freaked out. i felt real bad for the guy. i hope everything is ok. im sure it will be. today i went to lunch at in and out with owen, jackie, and kim!! i bought her lunch and spent some time with her. i didnt say much at all, which im sure didnt help too much, but i was just happy to see her. shes awesome. i like her a lot... but im not sure how she feels. its ok if she doesnt like me back, im used to it. but i hope she likes me back. i will be quite happy. she is quite beautiful. (there i said somethin nice about you and used your name.) tonight jay, josh, and jeremy are sleepin over and we're goin to sonic in thew morning. that will be a lot of fun. then tomorrow night im goin to dinner with maggie and brad at sonic. i hope its as good as ive heard. if not i'll be pissed. well, time to go entertain mis amigos. adios

-Tony

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-07-15T11:26:00

2005-07-15T18:44:40Z

hello one and all

in my last post i said something that can be misinterpreted that it will suck to have matt back, what i meant was it will suck to be excluded from the group. thats what i meant. sorry to those who misunderstood what i meant. anyway, yesterday was real good. saw matt for the first time in a week. it was good to see the kid. i missed him. yesterday we went to the hostess store on 2 occasions then we actually went to the hostess store. got some kick ass munchies. we were at brittanies and she was bossin matt around, it was funny. today i am goin to this thing that daniel is playin at. im also gonna hang out with Caitlyn for the first time in a very long time. last time i saw her was at my mom's funeral. its been far too long. i miss her a bunch. today will be cool. who knows, maybe i'll go to the hostess store today too. but i dont want to do it too much. oh yeah, we may go to the movie's tonight. maybe. i dont know if i will yet. its a beautiful day today, i might call maggie and see if she wants to grab some lunch. i only have a hundred dollar bill that i need get change for. thats all for now.

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-07-13T23:00:00

2005-07-14T05:56:59Z

hello all

where do i begin. nothin really new or exciting has happened since i last updated. ummmm, hangin out with owen a lot this week, probably not so much next week cuz matt will be back. that will suck, but until then, i'll enjoy it while it lasts. today owen, josh and i went to guitar center and hung around there for about an hour. it was fun. then we came back to town and picked up robin, and hung out with her at owen's for a while. that was cool too. then from there we went to denny's and ate dinner. after that we went over to pioneer park and hung out with chance and james. we called nolan and told him to meet us at the park, and ambushed his ass with water guns. it was awesome. from there i went over to am-pm with owen, chance, robin, and james, and i tried this stuff called horchata. its fucking awesome. its like a liquid churro. its delicious. i was quite impressed. bravo chance nelson. tomorrow i finally go back to work. im happy about that shit. hopefully i'll get 15 hours in this week.if i do thats $135. good stuff. next week i'll try to get 30 hours in, but i doubt it will happen, there will be at least 1 day i dont go. well i got to go to sleep soon. i need to get up early.

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-07-10T22:50:00

2005-07-11T06:27:19Z

hello again...

im about to update about stuff that is mostly about either myself or my mom, so for those who are sick of it all, i apologize....

today i had an upseting realization, i am never gonna see my mother again. i mean, i already knew this but, i never truely accepted it until today. it hurts me so much inside. i feel so deeply depressed. but i am getting better. its not as bad anymore. my dad and i are getting better with dealing with each other. im glad hes around. everything is slowly getting better, im glad about it too. all of my friends are starting to hang out with me more often now. which makes me happy. i want to thank everyone. you have all helped me through this. i appreciate it so much. anyway, on to some current stuff.

i like this girl. and last night she spent the night at a friends house. and i was talking to that friend, and i mentioned that i liked the girl. and today, the friend tells me it wasnt her, but that it was the girl i like. and today i got to hang out with her at the park. it was fun. she is way cool, and shes so sweet. today was an ok day, except the thing about my mom. i hope tomorrow is a good day too.

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-07-04T18:46:00

2005-07-05T02:04:18Z

so we meet again....

ive been gone for the weekend. i went up to tahoe to get away from it all. nobody really noticed i was gone. i come back today and find out i won free tickets for the warped tour on thursday. i get to go for free with some radio dj up in tahoe, then i get to go back stage and meet some of the bands. that will be sick as hell. everyone will be there. it will be lots of fun. i am so depressed with my life. my mom has been gone for 2 weeks now. and i keep thinking about her. i miss her so damn much. when i was up in tahoe i realized how much im gonna miss her. when i would lay in bed i would talk to her a little bit hopin she would hear me and talk back. but then it dawns on me that i will never be able to speak to her again. its the worst feeling. it makes me want to cry. i havent really cried at all since she died. i cried really hard when i found out. i cried a little at the funeral. i havent cried since. and that was over a week ago. she was so great. no matter what i do in this town i cant help but be reminded of something i did with her. it hurts so bad. i wish none of this had ever happened. i just want to talk with her one last time. i really want to tell her how much she meant to me. i really wish she knew. there were times i was so mean to her, and then she would turn right around and do somethin nice for me. all i did was take for granted, and now i wish to god that i had never done that. i wish she really knew how much i appreciated everything she ever did for me. like the day of prom, we were short on money and i was unable to pay for my tux, but she pulled through with a few phone calls and made it possible for me to go. she was so great. she meant everything to me. and now shes gone. i hope to god the bastards that did this suffer as much as i have. none of you really know what its like to loose a parent, especially your own mother. a few days ago i called my dad here at home, and her voice came on the voice mail message, and i couldn't handle it. since then i havent been able to listen to it. its all i have of her voice. all i have. the day she died, i called her and asked her to come home early from work so we could go get dinner. but she said she had to stay and finish up. if she would have left 15 minutes earlier she would be with me now. but no. she had to finish her work. the day before she died, she and i were supposed to go to the golden dragon for dinner, but i was too lazy to get out of bed to go. im such an asshole. all she wanted to do was have a nice dinner with me, and i fuckin ruined it. i would kill to go back and have that dinner with her. i have to go, i cant handle all this shit anymore....

-Tony

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-07-01T11:01:00

2005-07-01T18:10:52Z

just got home from work. didnt get paid unfortunatly. i am almost out of money here at my casa, so i need to make a phone call and get some. today has been good so far. work was pretty easy. worked 3 hours. not too bad. last night i went to denny's with maggie and her friend megan. shes really cool. we played a long ass game of crazy 8's. it was a lot of fun. i like hangin with maggie. before she picked me up i discovered the poetic mind of Jim Morrison, the singer for The Doors. After he died, The Doors released an album called "An American Prayer", which is basically the poetry of Jim and a few Doors songs to back it all up. its an amazing album. if you have any access to it, i encourage listening to it. it is a deep reflection into his mind, it really gives an idea of what has gone through his head over the years of his life. he truely was a sick sick individual. but he was also a brilliant mind. any way. today im goin to lunch somewhere then goin to my friend jeremy's house for a while. it should be fun. thats all for now. have a good day.

-Tony

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-06-30T13:39:00

2005-06-30T21:14:56Z

hola. yet another day by myself. no supirse. yesterday i found out that all of em really dont want to hang out with me anymore for a while. i cant blame em. im a total asshole. i wish i hadn't been that way. i do feel bad. its all been misdirected anger. ever since my mom died. it hurts me inside to say those words. since ive been home a lot lately, ive been doin a lot of thinking. about everything. everything is so bad right now. im havin such a hard time dealing with all this. i wish all of this never happened. everynight i ask god why he did this to me. i fucking hate all this shit. im gonna disappear for a while. soon hopefully. i need time away. i have nothin here but work, and that can wait. other than that, nothin. god im hating life right now. yesterday i found out my grandparents have been keeping money for themselves. its really pissin me off. i truely dont know who to trust anymore. i dont know wha anybody's true intentions are. its starting to get to me. fuck. ikeep rambling about this shit. i need to stop. yesterday i went to lunch with maggie and mr rogers. we went to in & out. it was good. tomorrow im goin again with jeremy, taylor, jay, and maybe phil (if he's at work). then we're goin to jeremy's i think. we might do somethin after that. i dont know. im glad to be able to hang out with them. its better than sitting around at home, thats for damn sure. nothin really to do here except sit at my computer. thats all i have done, but nobody really is on during the day. so i listen to music. blah blah blah. im done with this...

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-06-29T16:48:00

2005-06-29T23:58:55Z

my friends suck. yesterday i actually got to hang out with them. and i told them to call me tomorrow so we could hang out, and they said alright. did they call today? nope. not once. i called owen like 4 times and he blew me off. iknow hes in town and doin somethin, cuz hes with matt. it really upsets me that owen is blowing me off. yesterday when he dropped me off, i left a 20 for him for gas. cuz he always gives me rides and shit. and today he doesnt call me at all and blows me off. im so pissed. now he hangs out with all of my friends that probably wouldnt have begun to hang out with him, with the exception of jackie, because ross introduced them. i guess im just pissed. i dont really mean any of this. it just upsets me is all. i feel like they really dont like me much, and that bothers me. because i would do anything to help them out. oh man. life sucks for me right now. i dont have a mom anymore. my dad is a dead-beat. my grandparents are too fucking controlling. i dont know what im gonna do about anything. im going fucking insane. i need to get away for a while. i think im gonna leave sometime soon. most likely the week after next. after things have settled down some. i just need time away. so i can forget about everything. i need it a lot right now. i dont know why any of this had to happen to me. what did i do to deserve it? what did my mom do to deserve to be taken from me? when she died, a lot of myself died with her. she meant the world to me. i would do anything to get her back. anything. and now that all this other shit is goin down, i need her the most. oh man. i dont know what to do....

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-06-28T14:36:00

2005-06-28T21:48:27Z

oh man. what a horrible summer this has been. today and yesterday ive done nothin, except i went to lunch with taylor and jay and phil after work and got ice cream last night with maggie. today i called owen to see if he wanted to hang out. he said maybe and he'll call me back. thats totall bullshit. most of friends have been avoiding me. i dont know why. its really bothering me. all i want to do is hang with them, but they keep blowin me off. i feel like shit right now. i feel different. almost like im empty inside. ive felt this way since my mom died. i wish all this hadn't happened. i think im gonna arrange it so that i disappear for a few weeks. sometime next month. i just need to get away from everything and everbody. especially my grandparents. they keep trying to make all of my decisions for me, like im some little kid or some shit. its really bothering me. they are trying to squeeze every bit of money they can out of my moms death. i was recently told by someone very close to myself and everything that has been happening, that when my grandparents went to java city (my moms place of work), they tried to get money from them and didnt at all mention me. like, i know that sounds selfish, but i figured they would be concerned with my needs, but no, they were only trying to get some cash from them for some unknown reason. a lot of bad things are gonna happen in the next few weeks before things improve. im a little worried about it all. i i'll be ok, but it will get so much worse before it gets better. im sorry ive been ranting on and on about this shit, it makes me feel better to talk about it all. im also a little worried about my dad. im afraid he might be doin meth. someone told me some signs to watch for when someone is doing meth, and he is showing a lot of them. im so freaked out. fuck. thats all for now i guess.

see ya later.

-Tony

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-06-26T07:53:00

2005-06-26T15:00:40Z

yesterday was the funeral. it was a very very nice service. a lot of people showed up. she really really impacted a lot of people. more than i knew. afterwards we went back to the complex and had a get together that a lot of people showed up to. it was way cool. shortly before it ended, i finally got some crunk juice. it didnt make me crunk at all. i was disappointed. oh well. i can still party like a rock star. today im goin to santa cruz with amanda, hayleigh, and kelley (oh how ive missed her). we're gonna hang out at the beach today then get drunk in a hotel room tonight. it will be hellza fun. ive been looking forward to it all week. today im gonna buy her somethin special. i think a necklce. she told me not to, but i will any way. i love her. im so happy right now. and excited. i cant wait. but amanda wont answer her damn phone. oh well. eventually she will. well.... thats all for now.

thank you to all who went to the funeral yesterday. she would have loved it.

if you want to call me later, i have a cell phone now: 916-508-7865

call me sometime, except tonight.

love you all.

-Tony

bassplayinfool6 @ 2005-06-23T23:39:00

2005-06-24T06:44:36Z

been almost a week......

its gotten a lot easier. most of the hard part is over, except the funeral. that will be a rough time. today was another day. just same old stuff. ive been talkin to kelley a lot recently. i love her a lot. shes great. she was supposed to come tomorrow, but she either cant or doesnt want to. but we're gonna see each other on sunday. i cant wait. it will be a great time.

here are directions for the funeral: http://www.mapquest.com/maps/map.adp?country=US&addtohistory=&formtype=address&searchtype=address&cat=&address=327%20College%20St&city=Woodland&state=CA&zipcode=95695%2d3458&searchtab=home

tell me if you can or cant come, please.

thanks

-Tony